He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
