I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
