that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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