Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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