what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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