On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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