you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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