my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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