why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want her autograph on my taint
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
