anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
