If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
