she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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