last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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