My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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