yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
