suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm passing your future prison.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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