I just made out with a guy for $7.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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