all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I faked an abortion last night.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
