There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
