My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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