I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
