Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
