I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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