did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
