just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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