I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
