My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
