I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
