Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
