Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
