PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
