I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
