Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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