I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
