Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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