I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
