there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
