you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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