if you like me you must not know who I am
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
