the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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