My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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