i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
