apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
