yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i think my cat just said my name.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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