I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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