I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
