She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
