remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
