she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
