the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they need to just BURY HIM!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
