do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
