Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
